You know what's funny? Honesty.

Last night, as I was leaving a Thai restaurant, a homeless woman asked me for money because she was hungry. I looked down at my neatly wrapped fried rice and I couldn't stomach walking away. So I handed them over. The woman didn't even smile, she looked at the carry out box like it had cooties and said, "I was really hoping you would give me money so I could go to the bar."

I got so mad and yelled, "You should be glad you got my DINNER!" 

Now, I know that my Thai leftovers may not be ideal (and I like it spicy).. but the restaurant messed up my order so it was a new batch of fried rice that I had barely touched..and it was still pipping hot and delicious.

Then it occurred to me... if she would have just said she wanted to go to the bar in the first place, I wouldn't feel so offended by her dis-honesty. I wanted to snatch that carry out box right back! But before I knew it she was stuffing it into her bag. It was at the point of no return... a black hole of lord knows what.

This past weekend, in Cleveland, this homeless man was standing outside of the Browns stadium with a sign that said, "Not gonna lie, need beer." People were practically swarming him with money. He was honest, and made people laugh... why do you think people love comedy so much?

Everyone loves an honest homeless man.

Everyone loves a knowledgeable homeless man.

Everyone loves a witty homeless man.

So the point of my story is... BE HONEST PEOPLE. In everything that you do. Be honest with others, and most importantly, be honest with yourself. And to the homeless people...

Make yourself look like an alcoholic and you'll make millions.

Blog Update

My blog needs some refreshing.. some rejuvenation.. some TLC.

I would love to make a new template for my blog, but I am sad to say that I have lost my Photoshop/digital design skills.. I don't think I ever really had them... but I wasted many hours of class playing with Photoshop on the lab computers in my college days. Sadly those days are gone, and along with the cheap booze filled nights, went my digital creativity "skills." If you know a graphic designer/ template designer that needs to build their portfolio email me at Jbarmstrong87@gmail.com. In exchange for an amazing design, I can provide you with a shout out on my home page (because I'm cheap.)

But seriously, I will give you a spot right here

and here

What happened to Music According to Jes?!

Nothing happened, besides the fact that I got a new job that takes up 13912439840 hours a day and I do not have the time to listen to music all day anymore *sad face. My love for music is still growing, so my compromise will be, that I will add a "Post Song" to every post for your listening enjoyment. And if that's not good enough for you, I will make a playlist widget for every season... and autumn is just around the corner.

What do you think?

Dear readers, who are you?

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Updates to come soon, xoxox

Jes

Peeps

It's not too late for an Easter related post, is it?!

Easter for me has never been religious. It was about waking up to a candy filled Easter basket, putting on my pretty/frilly/pastel colored Easter dress, and kicking everyone's ass in the Easter egg hunt at my Grandma's.

My boyfriend's birthday is in late April, so I stopped by the store the other week to get some last minute touches. You know, a card, candy, some fillers for the gift bag. The store was full of Easter decorations so I thought.. this might be cute! I'll give him his gift in an Easter basket! After my shopping basket was full of Easter candies, chocolate bunnies, peeps, glittery stuffing... it occurred to me that it might be a little innaproppriate to get my Jewish boyfriend an Easter basket...

After I told him this, he was actually sad because he's always wanted an Easter basket... so next year! Maybe I'll dye him some blue Easter eggs with the Star of David on it for kicks.

A few Easter laughs:

Stripper Peeps: it's a PEEPshow! Get it?!

Gimme

Someone Needs To Explain This...

I blame OU for making me believe that all people are awesome and that "random roommates" are always going to be super cool and turn into your new BFF's.. or even just respect one another.

Welcome to the real world... or the world of Craigslist roommates.

So here it goes... the story of the man boy in the basement.

I had a bunch of my best friends in town for NYE here in DC. It was hands down one of the best weekends of my life. I only have a few towels at my house so I asked everyone to bring their own, along with pillows, blankets, etc; Well one morning, we woke up to a peculiar sight on the kitchen table. There was a white towel spread out with what appeared to be a "questionable brown stain" with a note that read, "Someone needs to explain this..."

At first, I thought it was a joke. We all laughed it off and I kept saying, "Okay guys, whose towel is this?" No one fessed up so I figured they were too embarrassed by the "questionable brown stain" to speak up.

About 2 days later, I finally saw "the man boy in the basement" and he abruptly said, "did you see the note I left?!" to which I replied, "ha, yeah what was that about?!" and he said, "one of your little friends went downstairs and wiped their ass on my towel!"

...let me just let that sink in for a moment...

I felt an immediate sense of confusion and then, I couldn't hold it in any more, I burst out laughing. I said, "You have to be kidding me! You actually think one of my friends, went all the way into the basement just to wipe their ass on your towel?" Do you know how ridiculous that sounds.

Now mind you.. no one went in the basement the entire weekend and there would be no reason to go down there. I only go down there to do my laundry.

Well,

I have an idea for you Mr. Man Boy in the Basement....

Did you ever think that maybe you didn't wipe your own ass good enough and when you got out of the shower, you wiped your own ass on your own damn towel?

First DC Snow

Update

You wanna know what's hard? Trying to upkeep and maintain a blog without a computer. Yep.

When I started this blog in July of this year, I was without a computer and I still am... but on the bright side! My computer is fixed and I should have it today or tomorrow! Yay! Hopefully my posts will improve because I won't be looking over my shoulder at work for the fear of being "caught" blogging.

As of today, I have had about 3,500 pageviews. Now, compared to the World Wide Web and all of it's wonders, I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I can't help but smile when I see the numbers climb...

People that have stumbled across my blog:

Random

Ahhhh (big stretch).. it's been awhile.

Work has been hectic, and my co-worker is in South Africa right now at a Baboon sanctuary (really makes you want to save the world doesn't it..) and my boss is out of the office (per usual). I wish I had some exciting news to report but I'm just living life. Same thing different day... so here are just a few random thoughts:

I've had a few people ask me about ShoeDazzle and I have to say that I've been impressed thus far. I've only purchased one pair of shoes so far (one per month) but they are killer over the knee boots and I didn't have to pay for drinks the entire night I wore them so that's a plus! :)

Also, people seem to really love ScribbleToo, the site I wrote about in my last post, and I would love to see your scribbles! You can email them to me at Jbarmstrong87@gmail.com and I will post my favorites. Although, I'm sure I will love them all :)

My sister Brandy's Scribble!

What else....Oh, and one of my favorite musicians right now is Florence and The Machine. I put some of her songs in my October playlist. If you are ever having a bad day watch this cute little boy let Florence cheer him up!

Too Nice?

A new friend of mine asked me last night if I got taken advantage of a lot... In the "you're too nice of a person" kind of way.

I instantly wanted to be like, "NO NO. Never. I'm hard as a rock." After seconds of silence, which seemed like hours, I mumbled, "Yeah. Often times I get taken advantage of." The overwhelming sense of embarrassment probably wasn't hard to miss.

Hearing those words come out of my mouth was a little intimidating, but true. Am I TOO nice? Am I TOO giving? Am I TOO understanding? Is giving people the benefit of the doubt a weakness? In most cases, it has proven to be.

In fact, last night I spent way too much money on a gym membership (that I plan on canceling after 30 days to get my money back) for the mere fact that the sales guy was nice, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. No joke. I signed the dotted line for a gym membership even though the price was way too high, because the guy was nice?!

I know that there are a lot of people who have stabbed me in the back, or kicked me when I'm down, or in one case, took advantage of a decade of friendship, but I also know there are a lot of people who appreciate my kindness. I will do anything for the people I love. I spent too many of my teenage years being angry and bitter; always having up a thick wall. Now, I embrace emotions and feelings. It's a good thing to feel. Even if that means you get a couple broken hearts along the way.

Dare-Devil

Yesterday morning I was suffering from a terrible hangover.. This is usual for Thursday mornings because of Wednesday night kickball festivities.

While waiting for the shuttle bus to work I was awkwardly staring into space.. (which probably resulted in the coffee stain down my shirt that I discovered later in the day when I took a break from awkwardly staring at the wall in my cubicle)... all the sudden this old man comes whipping around the herds of business suits on his power scooter which seemed to be going 35 mph. To my horror... he was headed straight for a little flight of steps.

Before my brain could register what was about to happen (mind you, I think I was still drunk).. the man was going full speed ahead right down a little set of stairs!

THUD

     THUD 

         THUD! zoooooooooom

He didn't even brake at the bottom! He just kept on trucking. At one point, it looked like he was floating. As he was making his speedy escape he yelled "I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THOSE THERE!!! HA! HA!"

Scooter man. You are my hero.

Shoes

After being crammed into an office all morning I decided to take stroll around some of the lovely shops that Georgetown in Washington DC has to offer...

I strolled into this quaint shoe store and was all.. "hmm this blat flat looks nice, I could use a pair for work... let me pick this plain black flat up and look under it to see how much it costs... ($567) Holy shit!.. set the shoe down... wipe shocked expression off face.. look up and awkwardly make eye contact with employee who obviously knows I cannot afford a single thing in the store.. but I can't leave now so I must pretend I am perusing through the store."

For the next 5 minutes I glanced at a few more shoes (to make the employee think I belonged in the store of course) and escaped. Phew.

American Apparel?!.. now that's more like it.

Underwear Man

Found this little guy in Georgetown. Love it.

DO YOU LIKE HORSES?!

Yesterday I was walking to lunch trying to stay cool in this blistering heat. I have this theory where if I take slow steady breaths and smile, the heat won't bug me. It never succeeds, but anyways.. I was walking through Georgetown with a smile on my face (my heat-ignoring tactic), when this guys steps in front of me and goes:

Man: HEY!

awkward startling pause

Man: Do you like horses?!

immediate defensive response

Me: NO!

I kept walking, confused as to what just happened, and determined to escape from this awkward conversation. As I was walking away, I heard Man say this, disappointingly in the background:

Man: Lame.

As I got further away I couldn't help but laugh. This man jumped in front of me and made me feel so uncomfortable that I said I didn't like HORSES! Who doesn't like horses?! The man startled me and caught me off guard so much that he could have said, "Do you like babies?" and I probably would have said no.

Standstill

I'm at this weird transition point where I'm trying to figure out what I want and who I am. I lived in a bubble for 4 years in Athens, Ohio (which I don't regret a second of), but now I'm ready to spread my wings... I just haven't figured out how yet.

I haven't had much to update on my blog, not only because I'm in a transition where I don't really know anyone yet and there's not much to talk about, but also because the move here has put quite the dent in my pocket so there isn't much room for exploring at the moment (pay-day this Friday HOLLA).
However, today was fish taco day (hallelujah)! Exciting, I know. Fish taco day also means Wednesday, which is Hump Day and one day closer to the weekend (also exciting), and when Glee starts again, it will be Wednesdays as well! Wednesdays are really exciting.

New house photos coming soon :)

This is how exciting Wednesday is:

Horoscope

My Cancer horoscope for today was:

"You may be used to things being a certain way in your personal life, and someone new or some new situation may threaten to shake that up. It's not that you are necessarily set in your ways, but you aren't always good about dealing with change. You like your home environment, your personal relationships, and the general scenery of your life to remain the same. For you, it just seems safer that way. But sameness can also lead to stagnation. There is wonderful growth possible for you now, which could lead to changes that are very, very positive. Allow some change into your life."

How fitting.
I feel better now... :)

The Day I Thought My Tampon Was Chapstick...

So, before you freak out from the title of this post, let me explain!

And men, before you get grossed out, it was a tampon fresh out of the wrapper! so don't get all icky faced with me!

So I was walking down the streets of Georgetown, trying to look like I belong (I still feel like a tourist) and I reach in my bag to grab my "chapstick"...

I put it to my lips all nonchalant like and the minute my "chapstick" made contact, I realized this was not my chapstick at all, but some cottony-plastic thing! It was a tampon in my purse that had sneakily snuck out of the wrapper! What if someone saw me rub a tampon on my lips!? My life is over.

They look similar... right?! I swear I'm not crazy...

"N as in Nazi"

I got a phone call requesting an email address for a colleague and when he repeated it back to me he said:

"E as in Elephant, U as in Umbrella, N as in Nazi"

...really?! Is "N for Nazi" the first thing that comes to mind? Geesh I could barely contain myself.

POP!

I asked for a pop the other day and everyone looked at me like I was a weirdo.

Note to self: they say SODA here....

Adventure

Illegal Aliens??!!

A call I answered today and the "conversation" that followed:

Woman: Hi, so I need help cuz' there are these illegal aliens that are going around stealing social security numbers and they got a hold of my husbands and BOUGHT A HOUSE WIF IT! Now, we have these illegal aliens corruptin' my mortgage and the government just lets them live there! We can't keep lettin' these mortgages go crazy... ya know what I mean?!

at that moment she took her first breath and I barely had enough time to say

Me: Sorry, wrong number.

click..beep...beep

A day in the life of a receptionist