Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Life Happens

I woke up this morning in a haze. My thoughts jumbled. I shouldn't be here. The commute to work kept dragging. I couldn't focus long enough to read my book on the train. The minute my eyes skimmed over the meaningless words, they vanished from my memory. Pointless. The train station always reeks of burnt rubber from the halting on the tracks. Today, the smell was unbearable. I hated it. The escalator was broken and the people were walking too slow. Holding me back. The walls of my office cubicle were slowly moving in. Suffocating. I shouldn't be here. I need to pick up the pieces. I need to be there.

What happened? Life Happened.

At least today was fish taco day....

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Warning: Lava isn't Fun to Eat

I'm sorry for my lack of posting last week.. I'm sure you were all checking your computers every hour anticipating another blow your mind blog post, and I apologize for letting you down.

However, I was busting my ass all week in Philadelphia for my first grown-up business lady work trip. Hustle and bustle. We arrived by train which is a short 2 hour trip to the Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It is a beautiful hotel and the staff was amazing. "Yes Ms. Armstrong," this, "yes Ms. Armstrong," that (royalty treatment)... and the FOOD?!... Amazing.

The company card helped as well. Four days of great food and wine and.... cha ching!.. all on the company. It's enough to spoil a girl. As soon as I got back Friday I was too exhausted to cook, and had no food so I had pizza delivered. I stared at my pathetic debit card... shaking my head. Damn it. This ones on me.

As you know, I was on the hunt for an authentic Philly cheese steak, and let me tell ya. It was an experience..

Before I added the "hot" sauce
 First of all, I pictured cheese steaks as full of mushroom sauce and oozy goodness. But to my surprise, it came dry with cheese and sauteed onions.. the "saucing" is up to you. Maybe you can order it with mushrooms... I dunno... I'm a newbie.

I decided to go with Geno's because that is what my Twitter friends recommended.. and I'd say by the size of the crowd that we made the popular choice.

So, I made my way to the sauce counter to pick my poison. Hot sauce?!.. Score! It was even in one of those nifty ketchup pump things so I thought "perfect! I love hot sauce! This looks so yummy!" .... I sat down, had my first bite, and thought to myself.. this hot sauce has a bit of a bite and I like it. In a twist of irony, Mo sat down and said, "I hope this hot sauce isn't too hot because I put a lot on mine." We carried on eating our subs and conversing when all the sudden we both got completely silent.

HOLY SHIT THIS IS HOT!!! She was choking, I was coughing and gaging, we were both basically crying. At that moment we both made eye contact with our miserable tear filled eyes and started cracking up because at the time we didn't know what else to do about our pain. The only thing to temporarily dull the pain was to rub ice on your lips. That shit needs to come with a disclaimer!! It wasn't hot sauce, it was lava. This is what the disclaimer should look like:

Monday, September 20, 2010

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

So tomorrow I leave for my first "work trip".. destination Philadelphia.

The last time and only time I've ever been to Philadelphia was for my 8th grade class trip. It was the most boring trip of my life. We listened to an Abraham Lincoln impersonator talk for 3 hours... it went like this:

in 1809 I was born
in 1810 I learned to walk
in 1819 I turned 10
in 1820 I kicked a ball, one time, in a field
in 1865 I was shot in the head and died.

Every 8th grader's nightmare. You know what? Any sane person's nightmare. It was quite possibly the worst 3 hours of my life. I still remember it.

And I kept trying to free myself from the "buddy system" long enough to get a cheese steak from a street vendor and my teachers kept yelling at me and pulling me away before I could get my grubby mits on one.

Part of the reason why our trip was so miserable was due to that fact that it was thrown together last minute. We had originially planned on going to DC to tour The White House and all that fun stuff, but September 11th was only a month before we left so one board meeting full of terrified parents later, led us to Philly.

I'm excited to go to Philly as an adult because I have heard great things about the city.. my favorite show originated there (it's Always Sunny In Philadelphia), I get to get myself a damn cheese steak, and I finally get to put faces to the people I have been emailing for 2 months now.

Plus, we're staying at the Four Seasons Hotel, and who doesn't love indoor pools?

I'm not sure how much email access I'll have during the week but I will try to update you all if possible. If not, I'll be back Friday! :) Any suggestions on the best place to get my cheese steak fix?

Friday, September 17, 2010

So This Is What I Do Now On Friday Nights...

Drink wine. Clean my room. And search through the disturbing amount of channels that my male roommates insist on paying millions of dollars for (when they're never home anyways). Tonight the movie is Amélie. I can tell this is a movie I am going to fall in love with already and I'm only 11 minutes in. Not to mention it's entirely in French with English subtitles and I am now considering learning French... for the meer fact that I think I love this movie.

Anywho, as promised here is a picture of my bedspread/walls/room. I know I should have done a boring plain white wall before and after shot but just picture the most boring white hole filled walls you can think of...
There. That one.

Now here is the after...

This is definitely just the beginning...


Yesterday morning I was suffering from a terrible hangover.. This is usual for Thursday mornings because of Wednesday night kickball festivities.

While waiting for the shuttle bus to work I was awkwardly staring into space.. (which probably resulted in the coffee stain down my shirt that I discovered later in the day when I took a break from awkwardly staring at the wall in my cubicle)... all the sudden this old man comes whipping around the herds of business suits on his power scooter which seemed to be going 35 mph. To my horror... he was headed straight for a little flight of steps.

Before my brain could register what was about to happen (mind you, I think I was still drunk).. the man was going full speed ahead right down a little set of stairs!

         THUD! zoooooooooom

He didn't even brake at the bottom! He just kept on trucking. At one point, it looked like he was floating. As he was making his speedy escape he yelled "I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THOSE THERE!!! HA! HA!"

Scooter man. You are my hero.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


After being crammed into an office all morning I decided to take stroll around some of the lovely shops that Georgetown in Washington DC has to offer...

I strolled into this quaint shoe store and was all.. "hmm this blat flat looks nice, I could use a pair for work... let me pick this plain black flat up and look under it to see how much it costs... ($567) Holy shit!.. set the shoe down... wipe shocked expression off face.. look up and awkwardly make eye contact with employee who obviously knows I cannot afford a single thing in the store.. but I can't leave now so I must pretend I am perusing through the store."

For the next 5 minutes I glanced at a few more shoes (to make the employee think I belonged in the store of course) and escaped. Phew.

American Apparel?!.. now that's more like it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Locks of Love

Just received this in my email!... Now that is one way to brighten my day! :)

Monday, September 13, 2010

I Went To The Betch!

Steff invited me to go home for the weekend with her. Virginia Beach? Don't mind if I do...

I used my special powers to freeze time... 

I'll Pokie Your Hokie

This post is a little late but.. on Labor Day, VT played Boise.

My roommate is a VT Alumni and she had a bunch of people come in town for the kick off season game. They invited me to tailgate... How could I pass up the opportunity to day drink?! That's when I became an "Honorary Hokie."

Here I am not even doing the "VT" correctly...
Being the "Brightest crayon in the box" that I am, I was all, "So if you're called Hokies, do you guys do the HOKIE POKIE?!" (har har har).  Of course they do! They're the Hokies.

After a few drinks I was parading around the Burnt Maroon and Orange filled parking lot doing my own version of the Hokie Pokie, and saying "Wanna Pokie my Hokie?" (giggle giggle, run away). I'm classy like that. And really mature.

Steff's family was nice enough to pitch in for a football ticket for me so that I could go to the game. After about 5 hours of boozing in a hot, tar parking lot, I was ready to get my Hokie on! The game was so much fun and full of energy. It occurred to me then, that the ONLY thing, OU is missing, is the football crowd. (It's still the best place and university on earth. I mean we can't have everything, so we sacrificed our football skills to the college gods).

After all was said and done, VT lost to Boise, and I wanted to punch a few Boise girls in the face, but I had an amazing time, and work in the morning on Tuesday was hell. I'm proud to say I'm an Honorary Hokie :)

The Crowd

"I'll Pokie Your Hokie"

They're also dyslexia friendly...

Friday, September 10, 2010

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sugar Sticks

My mommy came in town for the Labor Day weekend :) It was perfect. Good food, beautiful weather, and good company. 

Saturday night we went with my roomie and friends to see Loni Love at DC Improv. It was my first comedy show and definitely not my last. After an incredibly racist opener, Loni came on and killed it. No one was safe: gay, straight, black, white, male, female.... I wish I could have taken pictures but we weren't allowed :(
"What are you looking at sugar sticks?! I see you! Just because I'm big and black you think I can't get a man?..."
Sunday we walked around National Mall for a few hours for some sight seeing. My mom has never been to DC before, so we tried to squeeze in as much as we could.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend.
Enjoying the beautiful day at the Sculpture Garden

It was so funny to see my mom's reaction to life in the city. The metro bus/train was the most amusing part. She thinks that the metro train is scary because, "it looks like you're in the center of the earth," and there's a bunch of "weirdos." Oh well, a SmartTrip pass is cheaper than a car payment ;) Love you mom.

I Made A New Friend!.. He Likes Doritos.

My Friend Playing Hard to Get
Nom Nom Nom

Friday, September 3, 2010

It's a great day to be a Bobcat

Ah yes.

Can you smell it? Old country brick roads... new comforters and plastic storage containers.. freshly opened Natty Light...

Freshman move in weekend.. and another excuse for upper classmen to buy a keg and post up on their porches, all for the sake of watching the freshman biscuits move in and intimidating the hell out of the parents that have no idea what they just got their kids into.

Right above our heads was a painted sheet that read "Don't worry dad, your daughters are in good hands with 24 Stewart"
I specifically remember move in day Junior year because this heavy set girl with a blue mohawk across the street was increasingly getting obnoxiously intoxicated and was taking the whole, "scare the parents thing" too far. By noon, she was wrestling in kiddie pools, by 1 pm, she was flashing cars her nipple rings, and by 2 pm she was running down the street topless with a black spray painted bikini on top (que Katy Perry music).... you should have seen the look on those parent's faces. Sheer horror.

Well, Freshman biscuits, since I'm not there to train you properly, here are a few tips:
1. Don't pet the horse cops, they're evil and reel you in with their horse-ness and before you know it,   you are looking into the face of the enemy. (Credit to my sister Brandy: I am not stealing your identity)
2. Don't answer your dorm door without a peep hole if you are drinking. You don't have to answer. In one case I did and was greeted by the SWAT team (not really but it felt like it)
3. O'Betty's is the shit
4. Junction is the only bar you will get into as a Freshman so enjoy those J-Punches! (and tell Keith I said hi)
5. Don't start riots. It's stupid.

See you at Homecoming!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Sh*t I find Funny #2: "My Booky Wook"

I'm not a critic and I'm not a writer so bare with me.. or is it bear with me? (see what I mean).

I just finished Russel Brand's, "My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up" It was my Labor Day present from Matt, and it is the best Labor Day gift I've ever gotten!... The only one I've ever gotten, but the BEST!
The man. The myth. The legend
As you know I commute to work, which means awkward positions in close quarters with smelly strangers. What better way to make yourself comfortable than laughing out loud (yes, LOL) while you are uncomfortably close to others. I figure that people on the metro have made me feel uncomfortable enough that it was now my turn to make things awkward for them by laughing hysterically, looking up and whispering "sorryyyy" with a smile.

They probably think I'm bloody mad (as Russell would say) but I couldn't help it. "My Booky Wook" is just an easy, laugh out loud, kinda book. The book is about Brand's life journey through a sexually and disastrously drug filed career into a path of redemption.

I was safely above the legal age and under my drug-brella - the device that protects me from all condemnation. Beneath its shelter I cannot be damned, nor can judgements affect me; they are deflected like the rain, as I skip off into the decadent night   -Russel Brand

He not only pokes fun at himself, but religion, western culture, and the industry that he has grown to love: comedy. One of my favorite quotes from the book:

 Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment - you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth. Half the world is starving, and the other's going, "I don't actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things."  -Russel Brand
If you're looking for a book, pick it up. You won't be disappointed... just be aware that you might LOL on the metro and make things awkward.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Sh*t I find funny #1: OMFG Sushi!

I stumbled on which featured an article on the "12 All New Best Test Answers of All-Time." I found this one hilarious.... I actually LOL'ed.

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