I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

The realization that I will never see my dad again, hug him or hear his laugh, hits me [every.single.day] but some days it hits me like a train, and in the most unexpected ways.

Yesterday, I was driving home and the radio announcer introduced a new Christina Aguilera song. I figured with pop stars these days, it would be another electronic dance hit, but when the song started playing, what I felt was unexpected.

By the end of the song, I was pulled over on the side of the highway crying hysterically muttering the words of the song in that horrible cry/singing voice that only you can understand. 

"Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you."

I think about all the times I/we tried to save him and all the times that in my/our efforts to save him, I/we ended up more hurt. It's hard not to feel the guilt, I know we all do, and I know that unfortunately some people look at my sisters and I with judging eyes as if we could have done something - worked some sort of miracle.

If only they really, truly, knew.....

Looking Back and Moving Forward

1. I moved back to Ohio from DC and I am finally digging in my heels and settling down. After 4 years in college and a year in DC, it dawned on me that I haven't really "been around" for my family in 5 years. I love the fact that my best friends are only 1 hour away, my boyfriend is 40 minutes away, and my family is right down the road. I can honestly say, that I am truly HAPPY right now.

2. My beautiful baby niece arrived in 2011, making it the best year ever! Baby Gwenyth is incredible. Seriously. I can't take my eyes off of her.

3. Coming to terms with the things I cannot change - friends, family, money... whatever it may be... there are just some things that are completely out of my control and I am finally learning how to be okay with that. I no longer feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

4. I love my new job and it challenges me in all the right ways. It forces me to be creative, analytic, decisive, and self motivated. It keeps me on my toes and I can't wait to see what's next.

5. Becoming more physically fit. In the last years of  binge drinking in college and indulging in comfort food in DC, it was easy to "lose myself." I have been frequenting the gym and I never thought I would say it, but I even look forward to the gym! It feels great to take charge and I am finally starting to see results (Holiday eating aside.)

1. Kicking all my bad habits - I bite my nails and I "pull" out my eyelashes. How disgusting! I look like a child and it's time to grow up! I will kick these habits in 2012.

2. Put a dent in school loans - I went through the angry/ pouty phase of post grad school loans. "Why me? Will I ever get out of this? I'm poor. Wah. Wah. Wah." But as I stated in #3 of 2011, I cannot focus on things that cannot change, and I was starting to annoy myself with all the whining about money. Just save your money and suck it up. In 2012, I will put a serious dent in paying off my school loans!

3.  Stay connected - I think I could do a better job of checking in with my friends and family that live farther away. I don't "like talking on the phone" but that is no excuse. In 2012, I want to stay connected with the people who matter most.

4. Cook more - baking, cooking, exotic cocktails.. I want to do it all. I would like to try a new recipe at least once a week (as long as it doesn't become too costly and interfere with #3). In 2012, I want to advance my skills in the kitchen, and I don't think my boyfriend will mind being my personal taste tester :)

5. Get 50 new blog followers - I want to become more involved with blogging and provide value to my readers. I need to attract readers and get them interested enough to come back! In 2012, I want to attract 50 new blog followers. Right now I have 26, so cheers to 76!

If you want to make your own Looking Back.. and Moving Forward list on your blog, LINK UP with Life According to Jes and submit your link below!

xoxox, 

Jes.

Merry Christmakuh

This year we have added 2 new additions to our Christmas celebration. My boyfriend Adam and my beautiful baby niece Gwenyth.

Gwenyth is 2 months old now and she is starting to coo and smile. I can't wait to see her little personality evolve over the next couple of months :)

Adam is Jewish, so he brought a new touch to our Christmas this year and we were so glad to have him. It's always fun to bring new people to the circle. I think my brother-in-law appreciated having another man around to hang with since there is a shortage of men in my family.

Truly thankful for everything this year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

xoxox,

Jes

Music According to Jes: Autumn

IT'S BACK!!!!!! Woo hoo woo hooo wooo hooo.

I thought the jet-setting days of Life According to Jes were over the day I left DC, but in a stroke of luck (maybe?) I am in Georgia this week for work and I am leaving Friday for Chicago to visit my handsome Jew boy. The Hampton Inn in Toccoa, GA may not be as luxurious as the Four Seasons Maui (ouch.. missing out on this still stings), and I may not even have a nice plush robe waiting for me in the closet, or even a real headboard to the bed, but it is travel nonetheless and I am grateful for it.

Every trip needs good music, so while the scarves warm my neck, this playlist warms my soul.

**Updates from this week of travel to come soon! (and my disastrous attempt at cake pops).

Oh Snap

It has been so nice to get settled into my new apartment, and catch up with friends and family. My life looks a lot like this lately, and I am perfectly content :)

Blog Update

My blog needs some refreshing.. some rejuvenation.. some TLC.

I would love to make a new template for my blog, but I am sad to say that I have lost my Photoshop/digital design skills.. I don't think I ever really had them... but I wasted many hours of class playing with Photoshop on the lab computers in my college days. Sadly those days are gone, and along with the cheap booze filled nights, went my digital creativity "skills." If you know a graphic designer/ template designer that needs to build their portfolio email me at Jbarmstrong87@gmail.com. In exchange for an amazing design, I can provide you with a shout out on my home page (because I'm cheap.)

But seriously, I will give you a spot right here

and here

What happened to Music According to Jes?!

Nothing happened, besides the fact that I got a new job that takes up 13912439840 hours a day and I do not have the time to listen to music all day anymore *sad face. My love for music is still growing, so my compromise will be, that I will add a "Post Song" to every post for your listening enjoyment. And if that's not good enough for you, I will make a playlist widget for every season... and autumn is just around the corner.

What do you think?

Dear readers, who are you?

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Updates to come soon, xoxox

Jes

Move in Day

Welp, here it is!.. Move in day :)

This weekend I am moving into my new apartment next to the Fraze pavilion in Kettering and I'm so excited! I can't wait to decorate and get settled. My roommate's name is Jess also and I will be sure to update you on our apartment progress.

Am I looking forward to moving for the 5th time since college graduation? No. But I am so excited to have my name on a lease, a semi-permanent address, and a bedroom and bathroom that's all mine! Woot.

P.s. if anyone in Dayton is bored out of their mind (entirely plausible), and has nothing better to do than to help me move to kill time, I will be forever in debt to you. Not really, but I will give you pizza and beer and let you jump in my pool. Sounds like an amazing red-neck kind of day to me.

(My mouse is broken, so deal with it!)

Wish me luck!

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

While you read this post about my departure from DC and all the things I will miss, please listen to this somberly/awesome song (yes, somberly is a word. I Googled it to make sure). It helps set the mood.. and I promise that I am listening to it right now on repeat as I write this, so it's only fair... Plus! I haven't made my July playlist yet. Oops. Do you guys even listen to those things anyways?!

THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT WASHINGTON DC! 

*In no particular order* 

but I guess it's only natural to think of your most favorite things first

1. Meridian Hill Park

Meridian was one of the most beautiful parks I have ever seen and I stumbled across it one day while exploring the city. The best part was that it was only one block from our apartment. It went a few weeks unnoticed because of the high walls surrounding it, but just beyond lurks amazing landscape surrounding this enchanting fountain:

I wish I took this photo

Meridian is comprised of a labyrinth of staircases that create a Secret Garden atmosphere and also served as my fitness center because I refused to pay $125 a month for a gym membership. At the top of the fountain, overlooking the ledge, you can see the Capital Building, the Washington Monument, the Air Force Memorial, and the skyscrapers of Arlington, VA. Not to mention the amazing drum circles that would gather every Sunday afternoon.

2. The People

I will miss my roommates Mo, Justin, Mugsly and Bowser. My DC relationship with Mo and Justin began way back when with this blog post. I would have been lost in DC without them. I love you guys.

Mugsly

Bowser

I also met a surprisingly large amount of OU alumni. And I will never forget my old roommates, and my many  kickball buds.

3. Diversity

DC is full of culture and I enjoyed being surrounded by so much culture. It was a great learning experience.

Click here to see DC up close and see how your city matches up: 2010 Census

4. The Food

-Ethiopian
-Lebanese
-Indian
-Southern Soul
-Thai
-you name it, DC has it

My favorite DC meals are...

Eatonville - Mac & Cheeese

located at 14th & V (NW)

Tacklebox - Fish Tacos

located on M Street in Georgetown

*unfortunately Tacklebox suffered some damage in a kitchen fire so they are closed indefinitely

Sticky Rice - Sticky Balls

located on H Street NE

5. Sculpture Garden

I will miss dipping my toes in the water at the Sculpture Garden. 

6. Public Transportation

Of course it would have been nice to have a car for those days when you want to go on a big grocery run, or when you want to "accidentally" spend too much at Target, or even for those lonely days when I just wanted to hop in my car and drive back to Ohio to see my boyfriend, friends, and family. Don't get me wrong, a car would have been nice, but I'm proud to say that I haven't had a car in 5 years now. I walked/bused/metro/biked every where and I loved it.

I am car shopping this week though so call me a hypocrite. Hey, it was fun while it lasted.

7. The View

I'm just going to let these aerial pictures speak for me (even though I have yet to see a single picture that does it any justice):

I will end this post with a simple love letter:

Dear DC,

You rock.

Xoxox, Jes

Locks of Love

So yes. Yesterday was the day I finally got to chop off my hair. I am always changing my hair color due to boredom, but haircutting is not one thing I'm usually enthused about. The last time I got 5 inches chopped off, I cried. Pathetic I know. This time felt different though... new city, new job, new do! I was happy to donate to Locks of Love because 1) hair grows back 2) good cause and 3) I was getting tired of my limp straight hair

So without further delay....

Before

Bravo! Corporate women watch out!

Gone!

P.S. Although this photo looks brutal, I got to keep my head.

Standstill

I'm at this weird transition point where I'm trying to figure out what I want and who I am. I lived in a bubble for 4 years in Athens, Ohio (which I don't regret a second of), but now I'm ready to spread my wings... I just haven't figured out how yet.

I haven't had much to update on my blog, not only because I'm in a transition where I don't really know anyone yet and there's not much to talk about, but also because the move here has put quite the dent in my pocket so there isn't much room for exploring at the moment (pay-day this Friday HOLLA).
However, today was fish taco day (hallelujah)! Exciting, I know. Fish taco day also means Wednesday, which is Hump Day and one day closer to the weekend (also exciting), and when Glee starts again, it will be Wednesdays as well! Wednesdays are really exciting.

New house photos coming soon :)

This is how exciting Wednesday is:

Brown-eyed Blues

I think it's fair to say that I have been through several significant live changes over the past month.

Not only am I dealing with separation from my college life in Athens, but also my family and best friends in Ohio. I am also struggling through a falling out with what I thought was a life-long friend, and a 10 hour separation from my boyfriend.

With that, I feel like a nomad drifting from place to place. When I'm able to move into my house on August 1st, with three other people I have met once, I will have moved 5 times in 30 days.

Needless to say, I'm having a brown-eyed blues kinda day and I miss and love you all.

Friendship

How would you define friendship?

We all have different friends that each have their own type of relationship; whether that be your drinking buddy, the person you vent to, the person you call when you want to be right, or the person you call when you know you're wrong. No matter what relationship I have with my friends, I've always said that:

"Friends are the family you choose for yourself"

A recent change of events has made me take a step back and really analyze what friendship means to me. I think that friendship is selfless - even if that means ditching a hot date for a night full of tear filled tissues and tubs of ice cream. It means listening and offering advice when granted. It means forgiveness in times of weakness, because no one is perfect and friends should be there to help you pick up the pieces when your foundation seems to be crumbling. True friends don't abandon you in a time of transition.

Dictionary.com defines a Friend as: A person with whom one is allied

in a struggle or cause; a comrade.