Sh*t I find Funny: Metro Song

Locks of Love

Just received this in my email!... Now that is one way to brighten my day! :)

I Went To The Betch!

Steff invited me to go home for the weekend with her. Virginia Beach? Don't mind if I do...

I used my special powers to freeze time... 

I'll Pokie Your Hokie

This post is a little late but.. on Labor Day, VT played Boise.

My roommate is a VT Alumni and she had a bunch of people come in town for the kick off season game. They invited me to tailgate... How could I pass up the opportunity to day drink?! That's when I became an "Honorary Hokie."

Here I am not even doing the "VT" correctly...

Being the "Brightest crayon in the box" that I am, I was all, "So if you're called Hokies, do you guys do the HOKIE POKIE?!" (har har har).  Of course they do! They're the Hokies.

After a few drinks I was parading around the Burnt Maroon and Orange filled parking lot doing my own version of the Hokie Pokie, and saying "Wanna Pokie my Hokie?" (giggle giggle, run away). I'm classy like that. And really mature.

Steff's family was nice enough to pitch in for a football ticket for me so that I could go to the game. After about 5 hours of boozing in a hot, tar parking lot, I was ready to get my Hokie on! The game was so much fun and full of energy. It occurred to me then, that the ONLY thing, OU is missing, is the football crowd. (It's still the best place and university on earth. I mean we can't have everything, so we sacrificed our football skills to the college gods).

After all was said and done, VT lost to Boise, and I wanted to punch a few Boise girls in the face, but I had an amazing time, and work in the morning on Tuesday was hell. I'm proud to say I'm an Honorary Hokie :)

The Crowd

"I'll Pokie Your Hokie"

They're also dyslexia friendly...

'Seize The Day'sies

Taken in Georgetown

Sugar Sticks

My mommy came in town for the Labor Day weekend :) It was perfect. Good food, beautiful weather, and good company. 

Saturday night we went with my roomie and friends to see Loni Love at DC Improv. It was my first comedy show and definitely not my last. After an incredibly racist opener, Loni came on and killed it. No one was safe: gay, straight, black, white, male, female.... I wish I could have taken pictures but we weren't allowed :(

"What are you looking at sugar sticks?! I see you! Just because I'm big and black you think I can't get a man?..."

Sunday we walked around National Mall for a few hours for some sight seeing. My mom has never been to DC before, so we tried to squeeze in as much as we could.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend.

Enjoying the beautiful day at the Sculpture Garden

It was so funny to see my mom's reaction to life in the city. The metro bus/train was the most amusing part. She thinks that the metro train is scary because, "it looks like you're in the center of the earth," and there's a bunch of "weirdos." Oh well, a SmartTrip pass is cheaper than a car payment ;) Love you mom.

I Made A New Friend!.. He Likes Doritos.

My Friend Playing Hard to Get

Nom Nom Nom

It's a great day to be a Bobcat

Ah yes.

Can you smell it? Old country brick roads... new comforters and plastic storage containers.. freshly opened Natty Light...

Freshman move in weekend.. and another excuse for upper classmen to buy a keg and post up on their porches, all for the sake of watching the freshman biscuits move in and intimidating the hell out of the parents that have no idea what they just got their kids into.

Right above our heads was a painted sheet that read "Don't worry dad, your daughters are in good hands with 24 Stewart"

I specifically remember move in day Junior year because this heavy set girl with a blue mohawk across the street was increasingly getting obnoxiously intoxicated and was taking the whole, "scare the parents thing" too far. By noon, she was wrestling in kiddie pools, by 1 pm, she was flashing cars her nipple rings, and by 2 pm she was running down the street topless with a black spray painted bikini on top (que Katy Perry music).... you should have seen the look on those parent's faces. Sheer horror.


Well, Freshman biscuits, since I'm not there to train you properly, here are a few tips:

1. Don't pet the horse cops, they're evil and reel you in with their horse-ness and before you know it,   you are looking into the face of the enemy. (Credit to my sister Brandy: I am not stealing your identity)

2. Don't answer your dorm door without a peep hole if you are drinking. You don't have to answer. In one case I did and was greeted by the SWAT team (not really but it felt like it)
3. O'Betty's is the shit
4. Junction is the only bar you will get into as a Freshman so enjoy those J-Punches! (and tell Keith I said hi)
5. Don't start riots. It's stupid.

See you at Homecoming!

Sh*t I find Funny #2: "My Booky Wook"

I'm not a critic and I'm not a writer so bare with me.. or is it bear with me? (see what I mean).

I just finished Russel Brand's, "My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up" It was my Labor Day present from Matt, and it is the best Labor Day gift I've ever gotten!... The only one I've ever gotten, but the BEST!

  

The man. The myth. The legend

As you know I commute to work, which means awkward positions in close quarters with smelly strangers. What better way to make yourself comfortable than laughing out loud (yes, LOL) while you are uncomfortably close to others. I figure that people on the metro have made me feel uncomfortable enough that it was now my turn to make things awkward for them by laughing hysterically, looking up and whispering "sorryyyy" with a smile.

They probably think I'm bloody mad (as Russell would say) but I couldn't help it. "My Booky Wook" is just an easy, laugh out loud, kinda book. The book is about Brand's life journey through a sexually and disastrously drug filed career into a path of redemption.

I was safely above the legal age and under my drug-brella - the device that protects me from all condemnation. Beneath its shelter I cannot be damned, nor can judgements affect me; they are deflected like the rain, as I skip off into the decadent night   -Russel Brand

He not only pokes fun at himself, but religion, western culture, and the industry that he has grown to love: comedy. One of my favorite quotes from the book:

 Of all the consumer products, chewing gum is perhaps the most ridiculous: it literally has no nourishment - you just chew it to give yourself something to do with your stupid idiot Western mouth. Half the world is starving, and the other's going, "I don't actually need any nutrition, but it would be good to masticate, just to keep my mind off things."  -Russel Brand

If you're looking for a book, pick it up. You won't be disappointed... just be aware that you might LOL on the metro and make things awkward.

Sh*t I find funny #1: OMFG Sushi!

I stumbled on Smosh.com which featured an article on the "12 All New Best Test Answers of All-Time." I found this one hilarious.... I actually LOL'ed.

http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/knowledge/12-all-new-best-test-answers-all-time